Monday, July 7, 2008

Behind the Blog

It's a little late, but I've failed to notice something.

I have never explained the name of this blog. My blog.

Becoming The Marshmallow

No, I'm not nuts about puffed sugar. It's actually an homage to the best television show ever - Veronica Mars. Why? Because I feel it's very fitting to who I am.

In the pilot, there are two instances where Veronica is referred to as a marshmallow. If you have not seen the show, Veronica is a tough, sassy, teen sleuth. Her father is the town outcast/former sheriff, her mother has abandoned her family, and her boyfriend has broken up with her because he thinks they are half brother and sister. Oh yeah, and her best friend was murdered.

This first episode paints a colorful picture of Veronica's shattered life, which she must survive daily. We learn that her father was ousted as sheriff in their small town of Neptune, California and is now making ends meet as a private investigator. We learn that Veronica was drugged and date raped at a party. Yet, she shows strength and class, humility, and compassion through it all.

After helping her new friend Wallace out with some trouble at school, he replies:

Oh no you don't. You really think I'm gonna let you get away with that? That might play with the masses, but underneath that angry young woman shell, there's a slightly less angry young woman who's just dying to bake me something. You're a marshmallow, Veronica Mars. A twinkie.

After finding out that her mother may still be in town, Veronica tracks down the motel room in question only to find it empty. Her voiceover ends the episode like this:

Okay, it's a long shot but I can't help myself. I used to think I knew what tore our family apart. Now I'm sure I don't. But I promise this: I will find out what really happened, and I will bring this family back together again. I'm sorry, is that mushy? Well, you know what they say: Veronica Mars, she's a marshmallow.

Due to some disappointments and issues during my childhood, I often tend to be guarded, distrustful, and afraid to get close to people. It's something that I've dealt with for my entire life, and there are times... like now, when it's 3 a.m. and I lie awake wondering if I will be loved, that I want to close myself off forever. That I need a hard, rigid type of strength to protect my heart.

But that's not what I need. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want that "angry young woman shell."
And that's what this is about. The process of becoming a vulnerable, feeling, and gracious woman. One who is strong, but also open-hearted and approachable.
So yes. What I'm saying is that, I want to be a softie.

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