A New Twist on a Popular Game

I love my Guitar Hero III. It was purchased on an Amazon.com when it was marked down to $59.99 from $89.99. So far, I've gotten through all the songs except for the very last challenge to the song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia."

But here's my one gripe. Yes, I enjoy listening to classic rock - but I'd like to hear some girl music. No Doubt, Heart, The Veronicas, The Cardigans, heck - even some Kelly Clarkson.

So I mentioned that to some folks and we came up with a new version: Angry Chick Hero... This is what we came up with as a collaborative effort.

Instead of levels like "Backyard Bash" they can be called I'm Too Fat, Men Suck, Crimson Tide, etc...

And for the super Christians out there, what about "Guitar Savior" where you get to rock out with a Jesus Christ avatar??

Call Me Crazy! (Really, it's okay)

Not everything that I do seems logical, or even like a good idea.

Although there are more than 6.7 billion people on Earth, there are a precious few that just... stand out. They're not like the rest. They are truly special and unique beyond the others.

I think I have figured out why. They do things that make no sense to anyone else. Often, these individuals are thought of as crazy. But I think they're the smart ones. Possessing the passion and determination above all else, they will truly change the world and make it a better place.

When you think about it, the movers and shakers such as Albert Einstein, Leonardo DaVinci, Bill Gates, Henry Ford, Christopher Columbus, Jesus Christ, Noah and so on.... they have all been considered nuts by some. Heck, Noah built an ark in the desert.

So I think that's the secret.

We will never accomplish anything significant without having other people tell us we're wrong or that we're going to fail. That's a fact of life.

It's hope that fuels our inner fires. What truly brings us to life.

Recently, I have been witness to a rather unusual situation. A dear friend of mine is someone I've really been seeking and hoping the very best for. In my opinion, they have been unfairly let down and disappointed. This person has been so influential and meaningful to me, that I would do anything to help them have a happy ending that they deserve.

Against my better judgment I made the decision to insert myself as a catalyst in the attempt to possibly help affect this person's life in a positive way. I realize that I'm writing this in a blog, but I do not wish to share the specifics of my actions. I'm not sure what this friend's reaction would be to my sort of anonymous intervention, but if they do discover it, I can only hope that they can sense my pure intentions.

It is my most genuine and heartfelt effort to do what I can in my lifelong pursuit to see the people in my life happy. At times, that means appearing insane. I am okay with that.

I've spent the past week mulling over giving in to the more reserved, passive side of myself or finally getting some unapologetic guts. And finally today, I decided to go bold and take no prisoners. It was very impulsive and daresay, crazy. And you know what? I really think things will work out for the best. What can I say? Having no regrets is the only way to go.

It felt wonderful and freeing. To be able to be honest and emotionally risky. I like it. A lot.

This may sound cliche, but giving... complete giving of yourself, is the utmost act of selflessness and unconditional love. I believe and have faith in the fact that pure, genuine love will set anyone free. We will not love until we have loved someone. No matter who you are or where you've come from, I know that's the one action that will bring healing. Peace. Joy.

I am so lucky to be able to say that there are people in my life that I truly love. Not in a romantic way. In a human way. We understand and accept each other. When they are happy, I am happy. When they feel broken, I also feel torn apart.

I will do whatever it takes to enhance the lives of the people I know. They are those truly special, crazy people. And really, the happier they are - the happier I am, too. The one thing I do wish for - is for everyone to know what joy is. And that's my mission in life.

Behind the Blog

It's a little late, but I've failed to notice something.

I have never explained the name of this blog. My blog.

Becoming The Marshmallow

No, I'm not nuts about puffed sugar. It's actually an homage to the best television show ever - Veronica Mars. Why? Because I feel it's very fitting to who I am.

In the pilot, there are two instances where Veronica is referred to as a marshmallow. If you have not seen the show, Veronica is a tough, sassy, teen sleuth. Her father is the town outcast/former sheriff, her mother has abandoned her family, and her boyfriend has broken up with her because he thinks they are half brother and sister. Oh yeah, and her best friend was murdered.

This first episode paints a colorful picture of Veronica's shattered life, which she must survive daily. We learn that her father was ousted as sheriff in their small town of Neptune, California and is now making ends meet as a private investigator. We learn that Veronica was drugged and date raped at a party. Yet, she shows strength and class, humility, and compassion through it all.

After helping her new friend Wallace out with some trouble at school, he replies:

Oh no you don't. You really think I'm gonna let you get away with that? That might play with the masses, but underneath that angry young woman shell, there's a slightly less angry young woman who's just dying to bake me something. You're a marshmallow, Veronica Mars. A twinkie.

After finding out that her mother may still be in town, Veronica tracks down the motel room in question only to find it empty. Her voiceover ends the episode like this:

Okay, it's a long shot but I can't help myself. I used to think I knew what tore our family apart. Now I'm sure I don't. But I promise this: I will find out what really happened, and I will bring this family back together again. I'm sorry, is that mushy? Well, you know what they say: Veronica Mars, she's a marshmallow.

Due to some disappointments and issues during my childhood, I often tend to be guarded, distrustful, and afraid to get close to people. It's something that I've dealt with for my entire life, and there are times... like now, when it's 3 a.m. and I lie awake wondering if I will be loved, that I want to close myself off forever. That I need a hard, rigid type of strength to protect my heart.

But that's not what I need. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want that "angry young woman shell."

And that's what this is about. The process of becoming a vulnerable, feeling, and gracious woman. One who is strong, but also open-hearted and approachable.

So yes. What I'm saying is that, I want to be a softie.

The Temporary Recluse: Part 2

Tuesday: 12:31 p.m.

I have just finished helping a total stranger move his stuff into... my apartment.

Yes, you heard me right. My apartment.

He's 28.

He just returned to the States after a stint teaching English to kids in China.

Okay, that's just awesome.

His name is Drew Jackson. To describe him, I'd say he's just shy of six feet, slim yet athletic. Rather shy looking green eyes and buzzed blond hair. He looks like he's straight out of an old photo of a Navy sailor, much like my father was.

You don't see too many men who look like this. Most of the ones I run into have weird emo hairstyles or they use more styling products than their female counterparts. Kind of creepy if you ask me.

Well, with this guy as my new roommate, I'm going to have to get used to it I suppose.

The two of us stood rather awkwardly in the kitchen together. I'd long since changed into sweat pants and my company "Team Fox" t-shirt.

He sat down on a kitchen stool leaning his elbows on the island.

"I'm about to make a sandwich. Can I get you one?"

Drew raised an eyebrow. "Did you say sandwich?"

"I did. Honey roasted turkey. You interested?"

"Definitely."

Opening up the fridge, I fished out the bread, turkey, mayonnaise, and some muenster cheese. It's by far my favorite.

Five minutes later, we were munching on lunch and drinking some new pineapple mango juice that had looked appealing at the store. It was pretty damn good.

"So..." I shifted toward Drew a bit. "How do you and Kevin know each other."

"He and I actually used to be roommates." A smile came across his face. "We went to Georgetown together. Both finance majors. Freshman year we were placed together and we joined the same frat. So we just kept on living together. We're like, the perfect couple."

"And he has a sense of humor!"

"Indeed!"

"Kevin has quite the gig over at Raymond James. Is that why you came here?"

"Not at all," he shook his head. "After graduation I was over at Goldman Sachs in New York for four years. My dad is a corporate vice-president."

"Like father like son?"

His face fell just a little. "No," Drew said quietly. "Actually, that's why I'm not there anymore. I was working 70 - 80 hours a week. The money was great, but I never saw anyone outside of colleagues and clients. And the job itself... I didn't feel like I was making a difference in anyone's life. It was, well, work. I was dating this really nice girl, but I just didn't feel right at that point in my life. "

"I'm sorry to hear that. Doesn't sound like you were too happy there."

"Anyways, late one night, it must have been four or five in the morning... I found this Web site with information on how Americans can teach English in other countries. The school pays you a modest salary, your plane ticket, and an apartment in exchange for a year long contract. It sounded like just what I needed. To take a break, think about what I really wanted to do, and to help kids learn. I applied to become a teacher, and was accepted. Broke up with the girlfriend. But then I had to break the news to Dad. He really flipped. Told me that I was throwing my life away and that I was a jackass."

I took another sip of juice. "Sounds like he was less than thrilled."

"You can say that again. Long story short, I decided to go to China. He hasn't spoken to me since. My mom has written me some letters and calls and emails occasionally. She's trying to get him to soften up, but it hasn't worked."

"I'm not even sure what to say to that. I bet you miss them."

"Definitely. I wish Dad would at least see me, but he won't even let me come into the house. He cut me off completely. But just so you know, I don't regret my decision. It was the best year of my life with those kids. I just got back last month, crashed with a friend in Shadyside for awhile, then chose to come here to get my masters in Education so that I can continue working with children. While I was working, I was able to save a lot of money up. That'll pay for school."

"Oh..." I looked away for a moment. "That's a really wonderful plan."

"But enough about me," he plastered on a small forced smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Well... I'm 24. Born and raised near Buffalo. Went to a really tiny college, also in Pennsylvania. Used to live in Texas producing newscasts. Then I got this job here in the Tampa area to produce feature stories. It's a lot more low key and laid back. Not to mention, I finally get weekends and holidays off!"

"Are you happy?"

Hmm. I tilted my head to one side. "Sometimes I believe that I am. But many times, I feel like I'm totally alone. Like I don't fit in, I guess? Anywhere. You know, you're way too open to be a guy."

"A ha. And you're way too closed off to be a girl, Claire."

"That's an entirely different conversation in itself."

With that, I stood up, put our dishes in the sink, and retreated to my room.

Virtual Confessional

I do not think I will drink alcohol for awhile.

It was Thirst Thursday at Bishop Tavern downtown. So we took advantage. A little too much advantage. That whole "Ladies drink free 9-12" really gets you. Myself and two other girls took a cab to Bishop's.

So we mingled, I had four rum and cokes. Then I took a break. Accidentally walked in on a dude using the urinal. In my defense, the restrooms were all single rooms and the door I opened had pictures of both a woman and man. However, the room only contained a urinal. Hmm...

My coworker met a really cute guy. They exchanged phone numbers.

A very large man asked me to keep his friend company while he walked his wife to the car? The guy was kind of cute, but was really, really uninteresting. So when a more fun coworker I knew passed by, we left this other guy sitting on a couch. I think he's probably still there texting.

I had a whiskey sour and I think that was what did me in.

All of a sudden, I couldn't walk very well. My other friend passed out on a sofa.

Before I knew it, our coworker Tom was pulling us out to the car to take us back to our original meeting spot. When we reached our destination, I immediately passed out on my friend's couch.

The next morning... let's just say was pretty rough. I found myself running to the bathroom and my stomache was not happy with me.

Around 8:30 I headed home to sleep the rest of my hangover off. And now I'm feeling a little better. Watching Nathan's 2008 Hot Dog Eating competition on ESPN. The Japanese guy and the defending champ Joey Chestnut actually tied, so there was a five dog eat-off. And Chestnut is once again, the winner. They both ate 64 hot dogs in about 12 minutes. That's quite something!

It makes me feel less bad about my stomach.

Carpe Diem

So I'm sitting here in a various stage of undress, as I've got an hour to get ready to go out with some friends. It seems like there's a new kind of energy in the air. I can't explain it or describe it, but I feel like this is going to be a season of change.

I'm a firm believer that pushing your own boundaries is the quickest and most impactful way to grow. Even if it's change that hurts or is unwanted, in most cases, I really think it has a positive effect.

Recently, I've been in touch with a few close friends who I've known for years. One of them is a very passionate guy, and I really applaud his bravery in certain situations. He's handles them with class and has a very realistic grasp on what's best in the long run. Momentarily, he is hurting. But what he's going through, I know will only be for the best. He is single and recently went through a break-up.

Then there's another friend who I'm a bit worried about. On the surface, he seems to have it together more than the first guy, and comes off as very congenial and warm. But he's really not happy. He is in a relationship, and while he has good intentions, he's emotionally crippled by a past relationship.

So then I asked him if he'd feel content with his life if he were to die tomorrow. He said no. When I told him he should do something about that, discover what will truly make him happy, and do something about it now.... this was his response: "You're 100 percent right, but I doubt I'm going to do anything."

Seriously?

If you are that friend, and you're reading this, I am not criticizing your decision. What I am wondering though is why? Why waste another day feeling unsatisfied with your life? We have choices and I believe that in a way, we do choose whether to be happy... or not.

I sincerely hope that everyone can experience the many lows and highs during their years alive. I'm the type who would far prefer to live in a world full of light rather than darkness. And it makes me sad when the people in my own life are hurting and struggling when they could have joy.

You Know You're Bizarre When.You...

1) Fall asleep at 10 p.m. and wake up at 5:19 a.m.
2) Can't find the DVD player remote, so no way to rewind College Road Trip
3) Have a constant craving for chicken wings and refer to yourself as the "Chicken Wing Monster"
4) Actually want to go to a baseball game on July 4th
5) Find yourself counseling other people, even when you're in the aftermath of a break-up
6) Have everyone constantly tell you that you sound much different on the phone (Really?)
7) Agree to play tennis
8) Tell a Rays player you find their 50 something year old team manager "cute"
9) Plan a Co-Ed Ladies' Night
10) Compile a list like this one