Lessons Learned

(Circa August 2007 - Jill's wedding)

(Circa September 2006 - Calley's wedding)

As I procrastinate from what I should be doing, packing for the Pittsburgh wedding, I have been doing some reflection. At the ripe old age of 25 (about to be 26), I honestly think I've gotten a little smarter and a tad bit wiser. Especially about my bridesmaid duties. So I'll share a few tips I've picked up over the years.

• Using a topsy tail to "do your own hair" is a really, really bad idea


• If the Best Man who used to send you interesting poems on AOL Instant Messenger, the best thing to do is pretend if never happened and slow dance with him anyways


• Get a pair of strappy silver high heels and wear those to every wedding. They go with any dress!


• Don't let the bride eat bad chicken at her bachelorette party


• Try to avoid having the bride stand too close to objects that could fall on her while she's trying to put on her dress (ie: an old air conditioning unit stacked on a closet shelf)


• As a bridemaid, it's your job to really get the party going! Whether that's dancing with grandpa, doing the electric slide or requesting that the DJ play Ice Ice Baby


• Make sure that you order the dress in the correct size. Best thing to do: order one size up


• Have flip flops on hand for the time when inevitably, the silver shoes will start to kill your feet


• After the reception, take the other brides to a gas station for snacks while still wearing the matching dresses


• Don't take a date if you don't have a boyfriend or husband. You never know who you'll meet!


• Give Sally Hansen's airbrush foundation a try. It's awesome!


• Bring cash. You never know when you'll need to tip, or get a strong drink at the cash bar


• Leave a comfortable change of clothes in the car just in case!


• Do get a Tide To Go stain stick pen


• Make sure to help with clean-up afterward and taking gifts to a car. It helps the Bride and Groom to relax and have a good time themselves


• Eat a lot of wedding cake

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Irony: Story Of My Life

i·ro·ny

1.
the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning: the irony of her reply, “How nice!” when I said I had to work all weekend.

Sometimes... things happen to me that wouldn't happen to anyone else... except for perhaps Tina Fey's character Liz Lemon on the NBC show 30 Rock.

One time in college a drunk middle aged man approached me and held onto my hand at an Eat 'N Park. He told me I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Yikes.

Although I've never been on a date with my cousin, my cousin Jeffrey was my first kiss at age 2 or so. He was standing up, I was sitting in an aluminum lawn chair. There are photos. (In our defense, I am adopted.)

One Christmas Eve at church, I met a guy who seemed nice. The next night we went to the movies together. That movie was Bowling for Columbine. It got weirder and weirder from there. He smoked pot. He sold knock off cologne and perfume at gas stations and the mall. He tried to make out with me during the Michael Moore flick. Not thinking ahead, I couldn't escape out the bathroom window. It was bad. Really bad. A few months later, I heard he was living in his car and that someone caught him having sex with some chick in said car. I'm eternally grateful that the girl wasn't me.

Last year at Barnes & Noble, a rather cute young man asked me to have coffee with him. Then, while we were talking, he reveals that he's into some kind of mysticism and starts going on and on about magical forests and crap. Seriously! He also told me that he wasn't hitting on me, but that I looked like I needed someone to talk to. He was in love with his martial arts instructor. Against my better judgment we exchanged email addresses. Later that night, he sent me a strange invitation to a costume party because he found me "erotic." Ew.

Recently, I went out a few times with a guy named Tony. Keep in mind that I have also dated someone with the last name Miceli. Tony. Miceli. Who's The Boss coincidence or what? (Okay, so it's missing one "L"... )

Earlier today, I received a text message from New Guy. Okay, okay, Tony. He had briefly mentioned that he plays in a kickball league. Well, then today our reporter said she was going to do a story about kickball leagues in the Tampa Bay area. And of course she is going to Tony's kickball game this Saturday. The reason he'd contacted me wasn't to ask me out, but to see if I could get him more "face time." Luckily, I'm neither involved or in town for that. But I have to confess, I don't think I want my crew chatting up a guy I've gone out with romantically. Way too weird.

A rather um, unusual guy I work with has contacted me over the internet even though he barely says "hi" to me in the hallway.

The past two nights, I've had rather bizarre and inappropriate dreams about Ex-Boyfriend. Maybe I shouldn't go to sleep ever again.

There's someone that I can't really stand and have no respect for, but I'm secretly very attracted to.

Seriously, have I gone off the deep end? I'm not even sure I can survive tomorrow, let alone this weekend... and the wedding. Help!

Call Me Crazy! (Really, it's okay)

Not everything that I do seems logical, or even like a good idea.

Although there are more than 6.7 billion people on Earth, there are a precious few that just... stand out. They're not like the rest. They are truly special and unique beyond the others.

I think I have figured out why. They do things that make no sense to anyone else. Often, these individuals are thought of as crazy. But I think they're the smart ones. Possessing the passion and determination above all else, they will truly change the world and make it a better place.

When you think about it, the movers and shakers such as Albert Einstein, Leonardo DaVinci, Bill Gates, Henry Ford, Christopher Columbus, Jesus Christ, Noah and so on.... they have all been considered nuts by some. Heck, Noah built an ark in the desert.

So I think that's the secret.

We will never accomplish anything significant without having other people tell us we're wrong or that we're going to fail. That's a fact of life.

It's hope that fuels our inner fires. What truly brings us to life.

Recently, I have been witness to a rather unusual situation. A dear friend of mine is someone I've really been seeking and hoping the very best for. In my opinion, they have been unfairly let down and disappointed. This person has been so influential and meaningful to me, that I would do anything to help them have a happy ending that they deserve.

Against my better judgment I made the decision to insert myself as a catalyst in the attempt to possibly help affect this person's life in a positive way. I realize that I'm writing this in a blog, but I do not wish to share the specifics of my actions. I'm not sure what this friend's reaction would be to my sort of anonymous intervention, but if they do discover it, I can only hope that they can sense my pure intentions.

It is my most genuine and heartfelt effort to do what I can in my lifelong pursuit to see the people in my life happy. At times, that means appearing insane. I am okay with that.

I've spent the past week mulling over giving in to the more reserved, passive side of myself or finally getting some unapologetic guts. And finally today, I decided to go bold and take no prisoners. It was very impulsive and daresay, crazy. And you know what? I really think things will work out for the best. What can I say? Having no regrets is the only way to go.

It felt wonderful and freeing. To be able to be honest and emotionally risky. I like it. A lot.

This may sound cliche, but giving... complete giving of yourself, is the utmost act of selflessness and unconditional love. I believe and have faith in the fact that pure, genuine love will set anyone free. We will not love until we have loved someone. No matter who you are or where you've come from, I know that's the one action that will bring healing. Peace. Joy.

I am so lucky to be able to say that there are people in my life that I truly love. Not in a romantic way. In a human way. We understand and accept each other. When they are happy, I am happy. When they feel broken, I also feel torn apart.

I will do whatever it takes to enhance the lives of the people I know. They are those truly special, crazy people. And really, the happier they are - the happier I am, too. The one thing I do wish for - is for everyone to know what joy is. And that's my mission in life.

Virtual Confessional

I do not think I will drink alcohol for awhile.

It was Thirst Thursday at Bishop Tavern downtown. So we took advantage. A little too much advantage. That whole "Ladies drink free 9-12" really gets you. Myself and two other girls took a cab to Bishop's.

So we mingled, I had four rum and cokes. Then I took a break. Accidentally walked in on a dude using the urinal. In my defense, the restrooms were all single rooms and the door I opened had pictures of both a woman and man. However, the room only contained a urinal. Hmm...

My coworker met a really cute guy. They exchanged phone numbers.

A very large man asked me to keep his friend company while he walked his wife to the car? The guy was kind of cute, but was really, really uninteresting. So when a more fun coworker I knew passed by, we left this other guy sitting on a couch. I think he's probably still there texting.

I had a whiskey sour and I think that was what did me in.

All of a sudden, I couldn't walk very well. My other friend passed out on a sofa.

Before I knew it, our coworker Tom was pulling us out to the car to take us back to our original meeting spot. When we reached our destination, I immediately passed out on my friend's couch.

The next morning... let's just say was pretty rough. I found myself running to the bathroom and my stomache was not happy with me.

Around 8:30 I headed home to sleep the rest of my hangover off. And now I'm feeling a little better. Watching Nathan's 2008 Hot Dog Eating competition on ESPN. The Japanese guy and the defending champ Joey Chestnut actually tied, so there was a five dog eat-off. And Chestnut is once again, the winner. They both ate 64 hot dogs in about 12 minutes. That's quite something!

It makes me feel less bad about my stomach.

Carpe Diem

So I'm sitting here in a various stage of undress, as I've got an hour to get ready to go out with some friends. It seems like there's a new kind of energy in the air. I can't explain it or describe it, but I feel like this is going to be a season of change.

I'm a firm believer that pushing your own boundaries is the quickest and most impactful way to grow. Even if it's change that hurts or is unwanted, in most cases, I really think it has a positive effect.

Recently, I've been in touch with a few close friends who I've known for years. One of them is a very passionate guy, and I really applaud his bravery in certain situations. He's handles them with class and has a very realistic grasp on what's best in the long run. Momentarily, he is hurting. But what he's going through, I know will only be for the best. He is single and recently went through a break-up.

Then there's another friend who I'm a bit worried about. On the surface, he seems to have it together more than the first guy, and comes off as very congenial and warm. But he's really not happy. He is in a relationship, and while he has good intentions, he's emotionally crippled by a past relationship.

So then I asked him if he'd feel content with his life if he were to die tomorrow. He said no. When I told him he should do something about that, discover what will truly make him happy, and do something about it now.... this was his response: "You're 100 percent right, but I doubt I'm going to do anything."

Seriously?

If you are that friend, and you're reading this, I am not criticizing your decision. What I am wondering though is why? Why waste another day feeling unsatisfied with your life? We have choices and I believe that in a way, we do choose whether to be happy... or not.

I sincerely hope that everyone can experience the many lows and highs during their years alive. I'm the type who would far prefer to live in a world full of light rather than darkness. And it makes me sad when the people in my own life are hurting and struggling when they could have joy.

Retro Blog: Love Is In The Air

First published February 14, 2007

How do I know that?

Because Howard Stern (the Sirius radio shock-jock, not Anna Nicole's lawyer man) has just gotten engaged. He popped the question to longtime girlfriend and model, Beth Ostrosky.

In other news, apparently Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy are also planning a romantic day.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against St. Valentine or cupid or even heart-shaped cookies. In fact, I really like cookies. However, I have noticed this week that lots of us feel sort of uncomfortable with February 14th. If you're in a relationship, there's pressure. Yesterday I watched as some of the guys I work with were really sweating it out. In fact, I even spoke with a police officer about feeling 'under the gun' to perform. We went from discussing a dump truck accident to how he could use slickdeals.net to find a reasonably priced flower arrangement. Men, I don't envy you at all.

What's up with those bogus Cosmo polls from 'real men' stating that 85% of males 'would love to receive flowers.' Are you serious? I find that idea somewhat farfetched.

American society has even gone so far to have special Valentine's Day episodes of television shows. How cute. I did go so far as to enjoy Brothers & Sisters this past Sunday.

In college, we were always very aware of this holiday. It's when the Student Government Association would host a chick-flick in the auditorium, you know, like Maid in Manhattan or Sweet Home Alabama and only girls would show up. Well, okay, along with one or two couples who hadn't lucked out in the restaurant reservation department. Avoiding the dorm lobbies was also a huge priority. Since we lived in single sex buildings, my dorm's lobby turned into a PG-13 (scandalous!) love scene.

Personally, I'm pretty low-key in the romance department. I like simple. I'd rather do laundry with a guy than go out for dinner and dancing. It's a little too much. Especially when I'm just getting to know someone. My favorite love stories when it comes to movies are the ones where two people are forced to spend time with each other though unusual circumstances. IE: There Goes The Neighborhood, Bringing Up Baby, The Breakfast Club, Love Actually (Colin Firth and the Portuguese housekeeper). I'm trying to think of more, but they're slipping my mind at the moment. Although I have to admit, I'm a huge sucker for John Cusack in Say Anything. That boom box scene gets me every time. Heck, that guy from Napoleon Dynamite (John Heder) could show up outside my window doing that and I'd probably go for it. But I'd prefer Anderson Cooper, even though I'm probably not his type.

One day, I hope to have that unconditional, human love for someone. Where we accept and embrace each other's flaws and shortfalls. When that happens, I get the feeling that I'll be able to do things for them that I'm afraid to do now, because it leaves me vulnerable. Making sacrifices of myself, cooking for them, supporting their dreams, merging finances, having children together. Whether we realize it or not, those are massive commitments that require a tremendous amount of trust in someone. In order to do that, one can't be so independent. That's when they become a partner, a team.

It's difficult to be hopeful when I look around and see so much brokenness. Many men and women have the downfall of not being able to give up their solo ways and realize that love is altruistic and not self serving. It's not encouraging to think, "If so many others fail, what makes me so sure I can succeed?"

One reasoning that convinces me that there is a God is knowing that two people can find each other. The belief and faith that there is someone out there in the world that will know everything about me and love me for it. That thought is just so wild that I'm positive that nothing in life is accidental. In fact, every step of the way truly has that divine purpose.

I don't always live up to this verse below, but I'm working on it...

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

-John 13:34-35

The Art of Strength & Other Fanciful Ideas

Themes are present in many classic and modern pieces of literature: freedom, love conquers all, prejudice, truth, beauty, courage, greed.

Now, I will admit that identifying these abstract ideas has never been my forte. Whether it be Shakespeare, The Brothers Karamazov, Lord of the Flies, Jane Eyre, or even A Streetcar Named Desire, my primary tool was Spark Notes. I am terrible at reading between the lines. Terrible. How am I supposed to know that Piggy's glasses represented the intellectual and ordered side of humanity? And that the breaking of the glasses meant the end to the humanity that the boys possessed? Seriously!

So that's why I'm stunned that I've actually been able to pick out two different recurring themes in my own life. Weird, huh?

The first is strength. Although I'm a fairly cheerful and easy-going individual, I still cannot figure out why I am the way I am. Often, I think part of my personality tends to hide the rough patches. Almost like a fresh coat of paint over many old layers of dirt, wall paper, and 70's shades of coral Dutch Boy.

Few can suspect how beaten down, emotionally scarred, and the hurt that's made its place inside me. Being adopted, I think I'm prone to feelings of abandonment and some insecurities. The child of divorce, I tend not to believe in lasting relationships and doubt that I will experience love. As for my father, he's an okay guy, but is not the kind of model I'd use as a husband and father. Even now, he will not come visit me in Florida because his mother is the quote on quote, number one priority in his life.

We had very little financial means during my childhood. Looking back, it's quite something that I was able to go to a good college and now, four years after graduation, have most of my student loans paid off. As a 25 year old woman, I'm completely self sufficient with a great job.

Six years ago, I went through a break-up with my first boyfriend... Not very well, I might add. It took me several months to really feel again.

Less than a week ago, it happened again... with the second guy I was ever seriously involved with. I was afraid that I'd lapse into my previous state. For the first two days, it was like deja vu. But not anymore. Since then, I've gone out with friends, talked to old friends who live in other cities, even flirted a little, and feel stronger than I ever have in my entire life.

Of course, I miss him and still love him. But really, there's nothing I can do to change the situation. I will not let it cripple me or hinder me from living my life and being who I am.

Going along with the theme of strength, is survival.

It's unreal to fathom all the challenges, obstacles, joys, failures, and successes that one person takes on. I can hardly believe it myself.

Personally, I do not consider or think of myself as much of a "rock" or a survivor. But that really isn't true. In fact, I am strong and no matter what happens to me - I will prevail. You are also strong. We are able to bear much more than we think we can, and withstand the impossible. We are human.